1. The Arizona House of Representatives passes a provision that will require President Obama to show his birth certificate to get on the state’s ballot in 2012. At which point a morose civil servant will ask, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”
2. One way to look at it: Michael Douglas says he doesn’t mind confessing that at 16 he seduced his mother’s 30-year-old friends, because, “They’re probably all dead by now.”
3. The expletive-spewing Senator Carl Levin, Democrat of Michigan, uses the Goldman Sachs hearings to audition for the road company of “Glengarry Glen Ross.”
4. More Justinmania. Justin Bieber’s concert in Sydney was canceled when rabid fans started trampling one another. One tiny man, packing the power of four Beatles.
5. In her memoir out this week, Laura Bush discusses the 175-year-long tradition of separate bedrooms for presidents and their wives. Steamy.
6. Michael Steele, Republican National Committee chairman, reveals his party’s “Southern strategy” — focusing on white male voters. The code word is: there is no code word.
7. Excitement builds as reports circulate that a “major celebrity” will come out of the closet on May 5. Vladimir Putin insists it’s not him, but acknowledges that he and protégé Dmitri Medvedev occasionally re-enact the “Borderline” /”Open Your Heart” duet from “Glee.”
8. Joni Mitchell tells The Los Angeles Times that Bob Dylan is “a plagiarist, and his name and voice are fake.” Joni-slapped!
9. Women in the United States wore revealing clothing to protest a Muslim imam’s claim that scanty clothing causes earthquakes; Taiwan had a 6.5 magnitude quake the same day. Reality-slapped!
10. In Gary Shteyngart’s futuristic novel, “Super Sad True Love Story,” your economic and sexual viability are displayed on others’ iPods when you walk in a room. App-slapped!